I just finished reading an article about the movie "Americanese" in sfgate. There's a lot in the article, and apparently in the movie, about what it means to "become a man," particularly from an Asian perspective.
Women don't obsess in the same way about becoming a woman. Sure, it's a phrase in the middle school pamphlets (if they still have those quaint handouts) when discussing starting your period. It's maybe also assumed, or discussed, or giggled about when you lose your virginity. But I can't even begin to imagine having a conversation with any woman anywhere, "Say, do you feel like a real, womanly woman yet?" Any such conversation would end with gales of laughter...or even girlish giggling.
I guess I don't understand what the issue is. After a certain age, somewhere in the late teens, you're definitely no longer a child. You're sexually mature. I can remember seeing how my brother's faces hardened and became clearly man faces instead of boy faces. There you go, men!
Ritual is I suppose nice enough, but hardly necessary. Is the mythic tale of dad taking his son to the whorehouse really an entry to adulthood? I shudder and hope not (not that there's anything wrong with the sex trade per se). In cultures I'm familiar with, there are many ceremonies that celebrate the boy into man passage, but far fewer that celebrate the girl into woman passage. Of course, I'm no expert on culture.
Anyway, for the men I have this unwanted advice. Get over it. If you're over 20, you're definitely a man, a manly man, and completely male.
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